Attempting to Blog, Take 2

I'm going to give this blogging thing another go. I've been spending a lot of time in the last year reading about various infertiles and I think the time has come to get some of the nastiness going on in my life out of me, so maybe typing it out will help. I took a quick look at my previous posts and I see I had just started thinking about trying for child #2 and seen Dr. Favorite to start Metformin. Since then we have:

(1) had a consultation with our perinatologist to see what he thought our risk of preterm labor would be if we tried again (30% or so)

(2) had a consultaion with our RE regarding possible problems related to my not having resumed having periods in the 14 months since having D

(3) discovered the RE was much more concerned over the possibility of scarring to my uterus from the emergency D&C I had after nearly bleeding to death from retained products of conception 5 weeks postpartum (a story for another day)

(4) had saline injected through a catheter into my uterus to look for said scarring (none there- hooray!)

(5) started having periods again after about 9 months of not nursing, 9 months on the Pill, and 6 months on Metformin

(6) stopped taking the Pill

(7) immediately got pregnant

(8) 3 days later became un-pregnant (miscarriage #2 for those keeping track, if we call chemical pregnancies miscarrages, which I think we should)

(9) got pregnant again the next cycle (I realize for someone with PCOS to get pregnant this many times is pretty disgusting)

(10) immediately called the RE for a beta, E2, and progesterone checks. Progesterone was low, started suppositories. Beta was 26. They were not optimistic.

(11) Second beta 2 days later. Doubling time 23 hours. Optimism seeded.

(12) Third beta 4 days later. Doubling time 49 hours. Optimism flourished.

(13) First ultrsaound last Thursday. (6 weeks 0 days since last mentral period) Gestational sac in uterus: check. Yolk sac: absent. Fetal pole: absent. Odds quoted by RE of this pregnancy continuing: 50%.

Since then: pregnancy symptoms are dwindling. Period remains absent. Belief that this will continue is pretty much gone. Memorial Day Weekend desire to drink heavily in order to grieve doomed pregnancy was hindered by the tiny possibility that pregnancy is not really doomed. Who do I think I'm kidding?

Mostly I worry that my chance to conceive without serious intervention by my RE is ticking away. I don't believe I ovulate on my own unless I have recently come off an extended period on birth control pills. So far in my life I have conceived four times, all within 4 months of coming off birth control pills. I'm terribly afraid my body's ability to ovulate without fertility drugs is wearing off while we wait around for another miscarriage.

A note here: I have no problem with fertility treatments. If I need to use them to have another child I will. But, I was in the hospital for nearly three months during my pregnancy with D. I nearly gave birth to her at 24 weeks 4 days. I have been told in the strongest language that I need to avoid conceivng multiples. My RE thinks my best chance of conceiving a singleton (using fertility treatments) is with IVF with a single embryo transferred. My insurance does not cover IVF. So here we are.

The next ultrasound is at 9:30 AM Thursday. Never has time passed so slowly.