Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Hiding in My Hole

I can't blog. I've gone from over the moon ecstatic and optimistic, to terrified of what tomorrow's cervical measurement will bring. We're right in the middle of where things tanked with my pregnancy with D and I am not handling it well. I'm contracting all over the place and H is nervous and his anxiety is rubbing off on me. Which is weird becasue deep down, I really am starting to think that I am just a woman who contracts a lot while pregnant (my mother says she was the same) and the thing that made that matter when I was pregnant with D was the subchorionic bleed, which by all accounts was a fluke and unlikely to recur this time around.

I know that makes no sense. I need to go to bed. Tomorrow we'll know what's up in there. Then I get to go give my lecture students their first exam of the semester. Giving an exam is much easier on me than lecturing for three hours. I really hope everything goes well tomorrow. It feels like a particularly crucial checkup to me. Maybe that's because at 21 and a half weeks, we really are teetering on the brink of viability here.

Long cervix. Long cervix. Breathe. Breathe.

4 comments:

electriclady said...

Before every appointment, I would sit and envision my cervix looooong and tightly closed. I mean, not like I was meditating and trying to actualize or anything, but just sending long cervix vibes out. It seemed to work, or at least didn't hurt. Sending long cervix vibes out to you today!

Char said...

Wow, May! I'll definitely be thinking of you today... Holding thumbs and toes and anything else, for you!

Cathy said...

Fingers and toes crossed for a great measurement.

Spanglish said...

Ditto cathy and char... GOOD LUCK